Please note that the thoughts and opinions of JR Timmons does not reflect the stance of All American Pro Wrestling or Missouri Wrestling Revival.
By “The Voice” JR Timmons
Photos Adam Testa
Hey all you AAPW wrestling fans, this is ‘The Voice’ JR Timmons, with the rundown of the results of All American Pro Wrestling in West Frankfort, IL…. So be quiet and read, if you can…
At the start of the show, ‘The Golden Boy’ Greg Anthony delivered a message to Edmund ‘Livewire’ McGuire, straight from Commmissioner Steven Davis. If the special referee of the main event, El Magnifico, cheats in the AAPW World Heavyweight Title match later that evening, not only would he be fired, but Livewire would be STRIPPED of his AAPW Championship.
Match #1 – ‘The Main Attraction’ KC Jackson defeated Mike Masters via pinfall – Clearly that Caleb referee guy needs the acute aid of an optometrist, to be fitted with contacts, because Mike Masters clearly had his hair pulled repeatedly.
Mike Masters wants a test of strength from KC Jackson.- Photo Adam Testa
Match #2 – Shane Rich defeated ‘Dynamite’ Seth Knight via pinfall. Crowd supporters claim that there was a possibility that Shane Rich’s ally, Greg Anthony, used brass knuckles on Knight, but neither the referee or this unbiased reporter saw it.
Seth Knight came close to getting the win on Shane Rich. - Photo Adam Testa
Match #3 – ‘3G’ Eric Wayne defeated Jay Spade via pinfall – 3G must equal great, greater, and greatest, as Eric Wayne proved why he truly is the best that wrestling has to offer today. He even was so courteous to the referee to count his own five counts in the ropes, which, according to this unbiased reporters’ opinion, means he won the match, not once, not twice, but like, five times! That little toothpick Spade learned exactly whar it means to wrestle greatness… Wait, another G word, does that make him ‘4G’ Eric Wayne now?
'3G' Eric Wayne punishes Jay Spade on the way to a big win.- Photo Adam Testa
Match #4 – Curly and Heath Hatton defeated Christian Rose and Matt Cage via pinfall – That tattoed freak once again showed how sick he was, letting fans kiss on him and showing their butt to professional wrestling legends like Rose and Cage. I almost internally vomitted a few times myself. By the way, is it just me, or does Christian Rose’ hair looks especially awesome? Fans were calling him ‘Skunkface’ and ‘Skunk’ I don’t see it. Matt Cage even helped a fan out, by telling him to ‘Put those Resee’s down you fatty’ – Matt Cage, standing up against obesity in kids, a true rolemodel of American Wrestling.
Matt Cage taunts Curley. - Photo Adam Testa
Match #5 – Mississippi Madman defeated Ax Allwardt via DQ- Rootie Tootie Bootie? Who’s what? First off, Ax Allwardt is a legend in this business, and I got to say, he almost burst a vertebrae trying to lift that behemoth off the mat, but, even though the ring was bending with every step that Madman took, Ax shook off the pain and tried his best to win a clean match. Let’s forget that clearly Mississippi Madman held him in the corner for twenty seconds for that rooty tootie butt thingy, but that the referee, once again, was showing bias. On top of that, Mississippi Madman clearly hit Ax with a chair! So how, in this unbiased reporter’s blue blazes, does Ax get disqualified? Welcome to Bizzaro-Land folks.
Mississippi Madmanwould be able to kick out Ax Allwardt pinfal.- Photo Adam Testa
Match #6 Main Event- Edmund ‘Livewire’ McGuire defeated ‘The Golden Boy’ Greg Anthony to retain the AAPW Championship – Say goodbye to your job, El Magnifico, and Golden Boy, if you need a character witness when you get your lawyer on Monday, I’m there for you. El Magnifico absolutely REFUSED to count for Anthony against the ‘Golden Child’ of the AAPW, saying that fans were telling him that Anthony once again used a brass knuckles on McGuire. Who cares about those fans! All they did was stink up the place, making it smell like manure. Not to mention they all looked and sounded like cows… “mooooo” “MOOOOO” And on top of that, Anthony’s ally and friend Shane Rich was ejected from the match! El Magnifico, you need to have your green card revoked and go back to Mexico, Missouri where you can sell oranges on the side of the highway, or mow my yard.
Special ref El Magnifico was the ref during the battle between Edmund 'Livewire' McGuire and 'The Golden Boy' Greg Anthony Photo Adam Testa
All in all a great event, and with the exception of you fat, lazy, oily looking West Frankfort rednecks, I look forward to seeing you AAPW fans cheering my good buddies ‘Golden Boy’ Greg Anthony, Shane Rich and other true wrestling legends that should be champions! This has been ‘The Voice’, and you’ve just been told…